Relatable Rider Rants

"My Horse Has Selective Hearing"

My horse can hear a treat bag being opened from a mile away, yet when I ask for a simple transition? Silence. I could be screaming “WHOA” like a banshee, and he’ll still be casually trotting toward the next county like it’s none of my business.

This brings me to a puzzling thought: why do horses seem to have extraordinary hearing when it comes to food? You'd think that when you call them for an exercise session, they’d respond enthusiastically. Instead, they act like they haven’t heard a word. This leads us to wonder if our horses are aware of what we want but choose to ignore us.

"Why Do I Own 47 Saddle Pads?"

I have one horse. And yet, somehow, I’ve accumulated enough saddle pads to open my own tack shop. Do I use all of them? No. Do I need to keep buying more? Absolutely. Because what if I show up to the barn one day and my horse is suddenly in the mood for burgundy instead of navy?

This obsession isn’t just about variety. It feels like every pad comes with a memory or a potential future. Perhaps I’ll have a dressage horse one day, or I might need a certain pad for a specific event. The idea of missing out on the right saddle pad choice is enough to keep me shopping.

"Mud, Manure, and Mystery Stains.."

🟤 Mud: Nature's way of making sure you never wear white again. It starts innocently enough—just a few splashes on your boots. Fast-forward two minutes and you're knee-deep in a puddle that could drown a small pony. Bonus points if it’s the same mud your horse just rolled in after you spent 40 minutes grooming.

💩 Manure: You say you’re going to avoid it. Your horse says, “Challenge accepted.” Whether it’s strategically placed in front of the stall door or hidden in fresh shavings, poop placement is an art. And if you’re lucky, you’ll find it after you’ve knelt in it tying a boot.

🧼 Mystery Stains: What is it? Sweat? Slobber? A blend of fly spray and regret? No one knows—and we’ve learned not to ask. These stains laugh in the face of detergent. Even your non-horse friends know: if you smell “barn-y,” they don’t question it. They just crack a window.

So yes, we may walk around looking (and smelling) like we've rolled in the pasture... but we do it proudly. Because under the grime, there’s a rider who loves every messy minute of it.

Except laundry day. That’s still the worst.